Why Does He Do That?

Why Does He Do That?

Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Book - 2002
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In this groundbreaking book, domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft uses his unique perspective as a therapist for abusive and controlling men to help women, their children, and other family members who have been touched by abuse understand why abusers behave the way they do and what can be done about it. Bancroft teaches women how to survive and improve an abusive relationship; how to determine how dangerous an abuser is and when it is impossible to rectify a situation; and how to get out of a relationship safely. Bancroft identifies nine types of abusive men, addressing different styles, from the physical batterer to the strictly verbal abuser. He dispels the pervasive societal myths surrounding abuse, exposing common excuses used by abusers, such as having experienced an abusive childhood or substance addiction. Bancroft answers commonly asked questions, such as what warning signs of abuse to look for early in a relationship; what is and isn't abusive behavior; how to know if a woman and her children are in danger; and how to tell when a man is really changing. Why Does He Do That'gets to the heart of abusive men's thoughts and behaviors, making it a vital resource for victims of domestic violence, their families, and professionals. This empowering book gives women the tools they need to get back in control of their own lives.
Publisher: New York : G.P. Putnam's Sons, c2002.
ISBN: 9780399148446
0399148442
Characteristics: xxiii, 408 p.

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h
hhtea
Aug 01, 2017

Much more illuminating than I expected it to be -- a recommended read.

l
LauraSteinert
Oct 31, 2015

Domestic violence is not always physical. Verbal abuse is far more prevalent and women think it is their fault for being too sensitive. This book allows women to identify abuse before it escalates into physical violence. It also explains how men weasel out of addressing their issues during counseling.

k
kozemchuk
Oct 01, 2014

This book is great. I'm a man and I was able to get a lot out of it, both in terms of confronting my own behavior and understanding those around me.

I wouldn't recommend it to men who are defensive or just coming to understand how they have hurt others, but for men who are further along in a process of growth/transformation I think it could be very helpful.

debra_759 Nov 15, 2013

This book should be required reading for teens/ladies/women!!! Young and old, gay or straight! I learned so much about relationships with abusive and controlling men - how they act, what they do... What I once thought was a random "explosion" I now know was a very calculated/deliberate act. If you are in, have been in, or know someone in an abusive relationship -- READ THIS BOOK!!!

l
limedrop
Jul 03, 2013

I've worked with survivors of domestic violence for over a decade and this is the book I most often recommend both to people experiencing abuse, my newer staff members, friends and family members of people experiencing abuse, counselors/lawyers who work with men who are abusive, etc. It is a fantastic, very easy to read guide useful to understand why some people (overwhelmingly men in heterosexual relationships) act the way they do, how they can change (if they really want to), and how you can respond. The author has worked with abusive men for decades in programs geared towards helping them change their beliefs and behaviors and has incredible insight into what works and what doesn't, what true signs of change are versus empty promises of change. I return to this book again and again over the years. Although it focuses on heterosexual relationships and seems overall focused on white people (it has brief sections on glbtq and immigrant communities), many of the underlying dynamics of abusive relationships described are so universal as to be applicable to people of different communities and backgrounds (I work primarily in more diverse communities).

xburgh1 May 30, 2013

I am male and I consider myself fairly normal. I read this book because I was having issues with my wife. The book made me feel very defective. The book implies that all men are abusive in some way. It also states that abusive men will always be abusive. I do not recommend this book for men trying to improve their relationship with their spouse.

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BipolarTara
Aug 21, 2012

This is a must read for any woman who has been or thinks she may be...abused. Sadly, I was in an unfortunate situation and when it was over, this book really helped me get past some issues I was holding onto. I would highly recommend.

t
tjdove79
Nov 18, 2009

An absolute must read for any woman who wonders if she is in an abusive relationship, knows she is in one, or was in one. Bancroft makes not excuses for abusive behavior and explains in great detail inside the minds of abusive men.

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LauraSteinert
Oct 31, 2015

LauraSteinert thinks this title is suitable for 15 years and over

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